Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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