Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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