bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
