After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
