I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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