I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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