Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
