she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
