I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
