Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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