sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
