Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
