just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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