All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The ass gains better be worth it
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