My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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