i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
