What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
