Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
