it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
