I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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