In America we eat man semen.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
