Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Randomize
