i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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