So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
