i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
