i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
