i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
