just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
