did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
