I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
