mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
