You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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