Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
