How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
