Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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