My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
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