...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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