Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
