hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
