I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
