Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
