I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
