she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
