after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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