And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
