She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
