I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
