I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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