god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
