remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
